Why won't my boyfriend won't show affection? - Dear Vesta

Why won't my boyfriend won't show affection?

2009-10-27T12:40:27Z

I've been dating him on and off for several years now. For the most part we have a healthy relationship. I am attractive, shapely and fit. However, I enjoy cuddling and kissing... I just love that feeling of closeness.

My boyfriend rarely kisses or cuddles with me, except as a greeting. When I bring it up, he just says he doesn't feel like it and it makes him feel like he has to do it on demand.

I think that kissing and cuddling are natural for two people in love, and that he may not be sufficiently attracted to me. Why is he like this and what should I do?

Answer by Breadknife for Why won't my boyfriend won't show affection?

2009-11-04T21:11:57Z

Dear Lynn,

Your boyfriend sounds like a serious, thoughtful person who simply does not enjoy the touch of another in the same way that you do. While for you cuddling might bring a sense of well-being and affection, for him it may seem constraining or otherwise uncomfortable.

Nagging him to respond the way you feel is appropriate won't end well for either of you. Let him respond naturally, or you'll never be able to trust in the sincerity of his responses!

I'm somewhat concerned by what appears to be feelings of inadequacy, in that you worry that he's not "sufficiently" attracted to you. This stands to become a bigger problem for you both than any external symptoms - have you talked to him about this? Perhaps he thinks he's showing you affection in some other way, and doesn't realize that you aren't picking up on it.

If all else fails, invest in a good body pillow. You can cuddle with it as much as you want, without disturbing your mate.

Answer by JB King for Why won't my boyfriend won't show affection?

2009-11-06T18:48:51Z

My suggestion would be to do some research about love, at least in terms of a couple different philosophies:

Note: There may be other ideas out there that I just don't know, but I do know a bit about these and believe them to be quite insightful.

Those may offer some ideas for how to get some understanding of his perspective as what you may have to figure out is what are you willing to do to encourage him to be affectionate as there could well be things he'd like to have happen more often that may make him want to be more affectionate in a positive way rather than doing it out of obligation.