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A friend of mine, who has been a widow for several years, recently met someone. This guy is married, but they hit it off really quickly and have started sleeping together.

At this point they see each other a couple times each week, and just sleep together. She insists that she is happy and they are in love despite that.

A couple weeks ago my husband and I were at a club, and saw this guy out with another woman. My friend has stated she doesn't want to know if he is cheating on her, that what she doesn't know won't hurt her... but I'm not sure I agree. I'm worried about the risks she is taking, and that she will end up being hurt when she finds out how little this guy cares about her.

How can I break this news to her without hurting our own friendship? We're like sisters, and I don't want to see her used like this...

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Considering your friend is already the "other woman" she may very well be willing to share. She's clearly willing to take the risk, probably because she is lonely. Perhaps something more subtle, such as introducing her to someone better, would be the best course.

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Read Dear Abby. She has good advice today.

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IMO, you can't tell her without upsetting her in some way that she may well blame on you for trying to mess up her denial. While you don't want to see her used, how well do you know that she is being used? That "other woman" you saw may have been a lot of different possible scenarios and if you do jump in, are you prepared to handle a number of questions that stepping into this would bring? For example:

  1. What did he say? What did she say?
  2. What was the subtext of their conversation?
  3. Were there any PDAs or hand holding done?
  4. What were they wearing?

  5. Did she look like a cheap date?

    ...

Are you really prepared for that? I don't think I would be and if I had a friend in that much denial, I'd likely let sleeping dogs lie but that is me.

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